


Memories Past

by NovaHeart



Category: The Beginner's Guide (Video Game), The Stanley Parable
Genre: Angst, Assisted Suicide, Backstory, M/M, Memories, POV Second Person, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 19:59:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17925359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovaHeart/pseuds/NovaHeart
Summary: The Narrator divulges his past to Stanley.This takes place right after the Apartment Ending. Coda and Davey are a central part of this story, tying The Beginner's Guide and The Stanley Parable together.TW: Assisted Suicide.





	Memories Past

**Author's Note:**

> The Stanley Parable and The Beginner's Guide belong to Davey Wreden.

I have little recollection of my father.

Not that it's all that surprising. After all, he left my dad and I after the first few years of my life.

My dad had very few words to say about him, until the day he passed on this game to me, and went to look for him. He said to me, "I'm going to go for a while. To find your father, Coda. I'm sorry to leave you like this. I love you so much. Take this game, and lead Stanley through it."

I remember asking him, "When will you be back?"

He wouldn't give me an answer.

So I did as I was told and brought you through this game, through my parents' creation, The Stanley Parable. The pathway you were supposed to take- with the mind controls and the huge room with monitors and you valiantly shutting down the machine- was the only one made by my father. My dad designed the rest after his departure. Do you understand now why I value it so highly? Stanley... it's the only piece of my father I have left. I had no pictures of him, no drawings, no other games, no keychains or trinkets, no old clothes. Just this.

My dad said at one point that I look just like my father. It's only if I think enough about it that I can understand what he meant.

Hmm? You want to know why your wife wasn't real? Where is this coming from?

Oh, I see. You wish to know why Davey let you have the idea of having a wife, yet did not really give you one, don't you.

Oh, Stanley.

I'm afraid that is a story I'd rather not tell.

After all, it isn't important anyway.

It was not to punish me or you, but that is as much as I'm going to say.

Then what about the Red Door room, you ask? I assume you're referring to the Zending?

Well, what about it?

You want to know why I was more emotional then? Why I was content with staying put, and why I had no desire to return to the story my father coded for me?

Well... you see, Stanley... oh, this isn't easy for me to say at all. You wouldn't remember it. I'm sure your memories of the place have been wiped since the moment you were first placed in this game.

Stanley, that room, it used to be our home. I wanted so badly for you to remember. To stay put, to feel at ease, finally at home, where you belonged, where we belonged. But you just didn't remember. I ended up taking more frustrations out on you than I should've. Saying that I thought we could get along... trying to keep you there against your will... oh, what a fool I was, to believe you would override your programming for just a moment. There was nothing I could do to get you to see what I saw. And the room still is beautiful, but the feeling there, I realized all too late, is far different than the feeling I used to get from being home. Perhaps because my parents had left, and the two of us were moved to this game. In any case... I'm sorry, Stanley.

Although really, you didn't HAVE to keep throwing yourself from the top of the stairs and kill yourself. You could have simply restarted the game. Unless you like seeing me in pain, to which, well, I don't know what to say.

But I must tell you... I do deserve it.

Why?

*sigh* ...Alright. I'll explain it. I'll just start from the beginning so it all comes together, so you have all the context you could possibly need.

My father was a game developer named Coda. He loved what he did. His job was quite similar to yours, Stanley, except instead of being told what buttons to push all day, he coded programs of his own making. He created, from the safety of his own home instead of the safety of an office.

One day, he went to a game jam. Hm? What's that? A game jam is an event where many game developers get together and create games, so by the end of the event they can show off their work. Maybe get an award of some kind. Of course, game developers are not the only people there. Those interested in any aspect of game development can go to a game jam just to check things out.

Getting back on track, my father met my dad, Davey, at the game jam. My dad was immediately drawn to my father's originality and creativity. For him, I suppose it was love at first sight, yet it took my father some time to return those feelings. It was during the time when they were both in this state of blissful happiness that I was born to them, a program they created together, a quite advanced technological being. One that would grow and evolve, just like a human.

Some years went by. My parents seemed happy, but my father was closing himself off. I had no idea that it was happening until there was nothing I could do. He continued to be close with me, and teach me everything I know about what makes me who I am- everything about narration. He gave me no signs of his withdrawal, and therefore there was no way I could've known, but he was cutting himself off from my dad and the world.

Why? I don't know. My dad never told me. To this day, I don't understand why my father shut down back then.

Although I know my dad started behaving more strangely right after he created you. Yes, Stanley, he created you- by himself. You were a product of his sole imagination, and you appeared right before my eyes one day, a child as I had been. It was only later that I learned you were a being of artificial intelligence, like myself.

I've known you for a very long time, Stanley. How long has it been now, 15, 20 years? Oh, how the time flies...

After my dad created you, he and my father seemed more distant. Of course, I thought nothing of it, since nothing was changing for me.

And then the day came where my dad named you. He gave you autonomy. You became an advanced AI instead of a simple character model. "Your name will be Stanley," he said to you. He pushed a button, and that was all it took.

What were you like back then? Not too different than you are now, really. We were much closer back then. When I was alive, but I will soon get to that.

My dad named you and gave you life, and then that night, I found my dad in tears outside of the house. I had not seen him cry before this point, so naturally, I was a bit shaken. I asked him what happened, and he told me that my father would be going away for a while. Of course, I didn't understand. How could I? I was still too young at that point.

So then I went to my father. He was packing his things, and I asked where he was going. He told me, "Away." I decided to ask when he'd be back, but then, instead of giving me an answer, he hugged me. It was the first time he ever did that, and I guess that alone told me everything I needed to know.

Oh, Stanley... don't look so glum. None of this was your fault. It was my dad's choice to create you and to give you your humanity.

Do I ever... that's ridiculous, Stanley. I would never feel that way. No matter how sad or upset or downright livid you make me sometimes, I would never wish you weren't here. Now please, let me finish.

My father left and never looked back. I still have no idea where he is or what he's doing or even if he's still alive. I would hope so. After all, he was not a bad man. I just wish I knew what caused that rift between my parents. And don't give me that look, Stanley, I already told you that it wasn't you. It would have to have been bigger than that.

I don't remember too clearly what happened directly after that. I remember that... I asked you to stay. I was afraid you would leave me, just like my father did.

Oh... how the tables turned.

It was a few years later when that happened. My dad was always busy. I'm sure it was to distract him from the pain- he dearly loved my father, and he couldn't bring himself to move on. We were growing up and evolving too.

What? Did you have feelings for me then?

That's... a question I couldn't answer. Not because I think you're better off not knowing, but because the honest truth of the matter is, I don't know. We surely were close, but as far as love goes, I don't know how you felt.

Though you may be pleased to learn that it didn't matter anyway. My dad gave you a wife. Neither of us had met her at that point- she was simply a program, a model in a computer that had yet to come to life- but her presence, the knowledge of her existence, was there. You told me about her the day she was created.

...oh. Sorry, Stanley. It's simply that... I don't know how to put this into words. It isn't like you could get rid of me, but I could certainly leave, and after this, I might just be compelled to.

I... I didn't know how to handle it. How to handle that you had a wife. I thought... oh, it was stupid of me, but I really thought it would be just the two of us, forever. That me, a sentient form of artificial intelligence, would never lose you to a simple computer program.

I know. I know you're right here. I don't expect you to understand. It isn't the same.

I ended up lashing out at my dad. I was so distraught. All I remember from then is yelling at him and running away from home, from him, from you.

I ran to where the barnhouse outside of this building is now, and I stayed put for years there. I was alone with my pain. I felt like everyone and everything had turned against me. Don't get me wrong- I wondered often about coming back and apologizing. But something made me stay. I suppose it was the idea of facing you again. I wanted nothing to do with you if your affections were directed towards someone else.

...after those years, my dad finally found me. Seeing him was both relieving and heartbreaking. I felt as though he had betrayed me, yet I felt like a traitor as well. He was so happy to see me, yet he also deeply regret hurting me. He told me... *deep breath* He told me that he changed things so your wife would no longer exist in reality. She would only be an idea.

I thought I'd be happy to hear that, but... I realized only then how terribly selfish I was. I should have put my own happiness after yours. If I really cared for you, as I thought, I should have been happy for you, because you were happy. And that realization made the pain I was already feeling nearly unbearable. I definitely did not want to see you again. Not after that.

Yet I was torn, because I hated the solitude. I begged my dad to take the pain away, and well... he did. Perhaps not in the most ethical manner, but he did it, and once the severity of the emotions faded, I was ready to see you again.

Well, I suppose you could say he did kill me. He removed my soul, my core programming, from me, and my body was left to decay in the barn. That was no choice of his own, however- upon seeing my body, I just knew I couldn't let you see it, and I insisted we leave it there.

Why did he do it, you ask? Most emotions are caused by electrical currents through our cranium's circuitry. I suppose he believed that he was doing the right thing at the time. While I remember how to feel, there is very little I can feel anymore, which is why I can react appropriately to certain situations, but my heart is rarely in it.

Is my body still there? Last I saw, only my head remains.

Do I regret asking him to help me? If I had known what he would do... yes. I do regret it. I wish I could be here right now as a tangible being.

But, now hold on, Stanley. You should be furious with me. Are you not angry that I'm the reason you don't have a real wife?

What do you mean, you're not upset about that?

...Stanley, I-

No. Stanley, I won't allow you to feel like this. You shouldn't blame yourself for my decisions. I am the way I am now because of the choices I made. I could have done a million things differently. But you couldn't have, therefore you shouldn't feel that way.

My dad likely wiped your memories because he was leaving. He entrusted this game, this story, to me.

What...? Stanley, as smart as I may be, I know nothing about coding.

Yes, yes, I know, the irony. But allow me to ask you something- if your parents were esteemed architects, but they didn't discuss their work with you and you were largely isolated from it, would you be a great architect? No, you wouldn't.

Wait. You cannot possibly be-

Stanley... perhaps it's better this way. I really shouldn't have brought this up at all.

No, I am not giving you the game's code. What if you screw something up? We'd both suffer for it. This code contains who we are now. Any changes made to it are changes made to us.

Where is my dad now? I don't know, Stanley. Even if I did, what would be the point? Getting your memories back will only make things worse for you. You'll regret more deeply what could have been.

I assure you, you do not want to remember.

What? Stanley, no matter how many times you ruin my game, no matter how many times we go through our script, nothing's going to change!

Why is the lounge so special? Come on, Stanley, I was just taking the piss! You do not actually love the room! There's nothing all that special about it!

What? That isn't why- then why-

Oh, forget it. Whatever. Just... do whatever it is you love doing so much in this room. At least it isn't the Broom Closet.

...Don't you get any ideas.

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea for a while, I'm glad I was able to write it out. Thanks for reading!


End file.
